one of those days.

I recently had 'one of those days'...  A day when you are only awake an hour and already wish you could crawl back into bed, sleep a little bit longer, and than wake up to start the day over differently.  Thankfully these days are a rarity, but still...ugh.  Up until now, everyone reading my blog probably thought I lived in a perfect world as I rarely vent or whine on my blog.  I'm constantly posting pictures of my precious boys full of smiles, or sharing pictures and details of our fun families activities.  I don't know that I have ever blogged about a bad day or things that just down right annoy the hell out of me!
 
Last Monday I took Jaxon to the vet.  He was sick again with flared up allergies and another antibacterial infection.  Another unexpected bill (i hate that!) and 2 prescriptions later..  He is doing much better, but he's still not 100%.  Jaxon must know his days around this house may be nearing an end because he has really been on his best behavior since that vet appointment!  Derek hates the dog, so anytime I have to spend money on him I feel like I have to hide it from Derek, or bring it up when I know Derek has had a great day or is in an exceptional mood.  I did start to think though that maybe Jaxon would be better off in a different home, so I asked the vet about our options if his health didn't improve.  We are on a one person income here..and Jaxon isn't really figured into our budget.  The grooming, vet bills, allergy meds, and dog food expenses really add up.  It's like a 3rd child!  I did email a shitzu animal rescue group and got some more information about how the program works.  My love/hate relationship with my dog always brings up a ton of emotions when I think of not having him around, so we are giving it some more time.  Derek did say that he loved me more than he hated the dog, so if I couldn't part with him we could keep him around.  And just about the time I would start thinking about surrending Jaxon, I would catch one of these moments on camera.  I think this is their first official encounter and Brigham is almost 5 months old.  Jaxon really just minds his own business, but I couldn't ask for a better dog around the boys.  He just lays there and takes it all in. 

'Well hello there doggy.  Where have you been the last 5 months?!'

It's a stare off!

 Aww!

 Brigham is full of smiles for Jaxon!

I think people have a misconception of being a 'stay at home mom'.  Even I wasn't quite sure what the job all consisted of until I experienced it first hand.  Yes, I have maybe only had to set my alarm once all summer, but when I do have to roll out of bed it's not 'easy breezy, lemon squeezy'. (One of Boston's favorite lines!)  I have a list full of responsibilites besides just taking care of the boys.  This post started out with me whining about 'one of those days'..  It was basically built up exhaustion from all of these responsibities, and lack of just 'me time'.  Derek was home the morning of my melt down.  His one day off during the week and instead of enjoying it together he got to listen to me screaming at 7:30 AM and then grab my purse and storm out the door.  I was bawling and wondering where in the world I was going to go that damn early in the morning in my state of emotion!  Target & Hyvee it was... to tackle some of my 'responsibilities' and then I was home by 9:30.  :)

So I am really not sure where this post is supposed to go from here so I think I will wrap this up as it's taken me several days to get this far.  In a nutshell, my life isn't perfect.  I have my 'moments', and cry uncontrollably at times when I think everything is falling apart (when really it isn't!).  I worry about money, compare myself to others and want things that others have.  Derek and I argue about all the things normal married couples fight about and there are days that my boys drive me nuts. I lose sleep worrying over the craziest things. I'm normal, just like all of you reading my blog.  When i'm having 'one of those days', I take a few minutes to close my eyes and pray.  Not necessarily praying for whatever is bothering me to magically go away, but i'll pray for patience, pray that He will make me see that I have all I could ever need, or pray that I will handle the stress and frustration in a calmer manner than I sometimes do.  Next time you find yourself having 'one of those days' you should try it.  It works!