2 years ago..

It will be 2 years tonight that Derek's dad passed away.  I will never forget that night. 

Derek and I were divorced at the time, but spending a little more time together than most normal ex spouses would.  We wanted Boston to still feel like he had a 'family', with a mom and dad that could hang around each other.  It killed Derek and I to be away from Boston when it was the other person's turn to keep him over night, so I am so thankful that we were able to be civil and spend that time together.  All along we kept telling our family and friends we were spending time together for B, but even then I just felt like there was still maybe something there for us as a couple. 

The night Derek's dad died, he called me crying.  He was crying so hard I could hardly understand what he was saying.  He had gotten a phone call from his mom and dad's neighbor with the news.  He immediately jumped in his car to drive to their house and called me.  I will never forget hearing Derek say the words 'My dad.  He's dead'.  I thought it was all a joke, or that I was misunderstanding what he was saying.  I had so many different emotions that night.  I was heartbroken for Derek and his family, heartbroken for Boston because his Papa was gone..and I was shocked.  I also felt unsure of how an 'ex wife' was supposed to handle something like this.  We weren't a 'normal' divorced couple, and I immediately felt like I needed to be with Derek during this difficult time but also felt like maybe it wasn't appropriate for me to be around the family.

I did go to be with Derek that night.  Boston was already sleeping when I got the phone call, so my neighbor came over to sit at the house with him.  I will never forgot the drive to Derek's parents house and I will never forget parking my car and seeing Derek on the front step with his friend J.  I wasn't sure what I was going to say or do when I got out of the car..it was very awkward given our situation, but I walked right up to him, told him how sorry I was, and we hugged each other and cried for what felt like 10 minutes.  It was the first time Derek or I had held each other like that in a year.  It felt so good.  I did not feel out of place at all once I had made my way into the house to see Glady.  I still felt like I was part of their family.  After a few hours at the house I knew I needed to get home.  I knew it would be an extremely hard night for Derek to go home to his apartment and sit alone, so I told him he was more than welcome to come to my house and stay with us as long as he needed.  I couldn't imagine losing a parent so suddenly and then having to grieve alone.  Derek did come to my house that night..and he has never left.  He never once stayed another night in his apartment..

Tonight, as we gather at Glady's as a family to remember Jerry, and share tears and laughs about our memories of him, I can't help but also say 'thank you'.  Jerry's death played a huge part in bringing our family back together, but I also want to thank him for raising such an incredible son.  Derek often goes un-mentioned in many of my blog posts but it's not because I don't love him to pieces!  He is an incredible husband and father, and I know it is because he had such a great role model.  So thank you Jerry.  We love and miss you!