Two Years- Written by Derek Gerdes
730 days, 17,520 hours. That is how long it has been since Boston and I waved goodbye to Dad as he grinned back, bagging groceries, so proud that his grandson came to see him at work. I remember how he reacted to the picture Boston gave him, rubbing Boston's head, thanking him for the gift, cracking a small smile as his fellow co-workers gushed over his grandson while carefully folding the picture and putting it in his pocket. A quick hug from Boston and a casual 'see ya later' from me and we were on our way...I wish I would of hugged him too.
It was always the little things that were most important to Dad, and that is something that I always admired about him. I don't think in that situation, it was the picture entirely, just the fact that Boston took the time to focus and draw something for his Papa. The time spent. That little connection. The little things. His ability to cherish the simple and mundane is a characteristic that I find myself portraying in my own life, just not with as much class as Dad had.
When I take the time to really analyze it, I can see more Jigs in me that I used too. The way I approach issues and problems. How I simplify them into a fixable, non threatening situation, or let it be and find a way to roll with the punches. I'm not an over-reactor, similar to Dad. Usually things aren't as bad as they seem.
Our competitive nature used to be the same too. The difference is mine has seemed to taper off while his was in full effect. From bags to board games to golf, deep down he disliked a poor performance on his end.
Even our sense of humor is more similar than people think as well. I always appreciated how simple his humor was. I have fond memories of Dad and I watching Home Improvement together, Dad smirking at the Tool man's continuous battle with stupidity! The thing that always made me smile inside was that Dad was a little like the Tool man, trying to fix things himself in unorthodox ways. I guess in that sense the apple fell a long ways from the tree!
Even the things I say to Boston, I can hear Dad's voice in my head saying the same things to me when I was a boy! "Get up!... Quit crying!...Bring the ball across your ear.... Do you know why you are in trouble?!"
I find it interesting how valuable these memories have become to me. Dad left lasting impressions on each of us in very different ways. Some impressions are intimate that we keep close to our hearts and personal and others very apparent, but all valuable. He wasn't perfect, and sometimes his flaws were quite visible. Yet, eve, with that rigid grin, tough exterior and rough hands there was a soft, child-like, loving side of him that drew us in. That subtle side was strong enough that his grandson would climb right up on his lap and find a notch in his arms so they could watch shows together. That is what made him Dad...or Jerry... or Papa... or Jigs. What ever the name is to you, that is why we love him.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
2 years ago..
It will be 2 years tonight that Derek's dad passed away. I will never forget that night.
Derek and I were divorced at the time, but spending a little more time together than most normal ex spouses would. We wanted Boston to still feel like he had a 'family', with a mom and dad that could hang around each other. It killed Derek and I to be away from Boston when it was the other person's turn to keep him over night, so I am so thankful that we were able to be civil and spend that time together. All along we kept telling our family and friends we were spending time together for B, but even then I just felt like there was still maybe something there for us as a couple.
The night Derek's dad died, he called me crying. He was crying so hard I could hardly understand what he was saying. He had gotten a phone call from his mom and dad's neighbor with the news. He immediately jumped in his car to drive to their house and called me. I will never forget hearing Derek say the words 'My dad. He's dead'. I thought it was all a joke, or that I was misunderstanding what he was saying. I had so many different emotions that night. I was heartbroken for Derek and his family, heartbroken for Boston because his Papa was gone..and I was shocked. I also felt unsure of how an 'ex wife' was supposed to handle something like this. We weren't a 'normal' divorced couple, and I immediately felt like I needed to be with Derek during this difficult time but also felt like maybe it wasn't appropriate for me to be around the family.
I did go to be with Derek that night. Boston was already sleeping when I got the phone call, so my neighbor came over to sit at the house with him. I will never forgot the drive to Derek's parents house and I will never forget parking my car and seeing Derek on the front step with his friend J. I wasn't sure what I was going to say or do when I got out of the car..it was very awkward given our situation, but I walked right up to him, told him how sorry I was, and we hugged each other and cried for what felt like 10 minutes. It was the first time Derek or I had held each other like that in a year. It felt so good. I did not feel out of place at all once I had made my way into the house to see Glady. I still felt like I was part of their family. After a few hours at the house I knew I needed to get home. I knew it would be an extremely hard night for Derek to go home to his apartment and sit alone, so I told him he was more than welcome to come to my house and stay with us as long as he needed. I couldn't imagine losing a parent so suddenly and then having to grieve alone. Derek did come to my house that night..and he has never left. He never once stayed another night in his apartment..
Tonight, as we gather at Glady's as a family to remember Jerry, and share tears and laughs about our memories of him, I can't help but also say 'thank you'. Jerry's death played a huge part in bringing our family back together, but I also want to thank him for raising such an incredible son. Derek often goes un-mentioned in many of my blog posts but it's not because I don't love him to pieces! He is an incredible husband and father, and I know it is because he had such a great role model. So thank you Jerry. We love and miss you!
Derek and I were divorced at the time, but spending a little more time together than most normal ex spouses would. We wanted Boston to still feel like he had a 'family', with a mom and dad that could hang around each other. It killed Derek and I to be away from Boston when it was the other person's turn to keep him over night, so I am so thankful that we were able to be civil and spend that time together. All along we kept telling our family and friends we were spending time together for B, but even then I just felt like there was still maybe something there for us as a couple.
The night Derek's dad died, he called me crying. He was crying so hard I could hardly understand what he was saying. He had gotten a phone call from his mom and dad's neighbor with the news. He immediately jumped in his car to drive to their house and called me. I will never forget hearing Derek say the words 'My dad. He's dead'. I thought it was all a joke, or that I was misunderstanding what he was saying. I had so many different emotions that night. I was heartbroken for Derek and his family, heartbroken for Boston because his Papa was gone..and I was shocked. I also felt unsure of how an 'ex wife' was supposed to handle something like this. We weren't a 'normal' divorced couple, and I immediately felt like I needed to be with Derek during this difficult time but also felt like maybe it wasn't appropriate for me to be around the family.
I did go to be with Derek that night. Boston was already sleeping when I got the phone call, so my neighbor came over to sit at the house with him. I will never forgot the drive to Derek's parents house and I will never forget parking my car and seeing Derek on the front step with his friend J. I wasn't sure what I was going to say or do when I got out of the car..it was very awkward given our situation, but I walked right up to him, told him how sorry I was, and we hugged each other and cried for what felt like 10 minutes. It was the first time Derek or I had held each other like that in a year. It felt so good. I did not feel out of place at all once I had made my way into the house to see Glady. I still felt like I was part of their family. After a few hours at the house I knew I needed to get home. I knew it would be an extremely hard night for Derek to go home to his apartment and sit alone, so I told him he was more than welcome to come to my house and stay with us as long as he needed. I couldn't imagine losing a parent so suddenly and then having to grieve alone. Derek did come to my house that night..and he has never left. He never once stayed another night in his apartment..
Tonight, as we gather at Glady's as a family to remember Jerry, and share tears and laughs about our memories of him, I can't help but also say 'thank you'. Jerry's death played a huge part in bringing our family back together, but I also want to thank him for raising such an incredible son. Derek often goes un-mentioned in many of my blog posts but it's not because I don't love him to pieces! He is an incredible husband and father, and I know it is because he had such a great role model. So thank you Jerry. We love and miss you!
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