It was about 5:45, and I was trying to feed the boys something quick because I had to leave for GEMS at 6:15. Derek was on his way home from work, and I was just dialing my grandparents in Texas to tell them our news of having another baby boy! I hit send on my phone, and that's what I heard Brigham choking. Thankfully I was standing IN the kitchen, and not off getting dressed, or doing something else around the house. I dropped my phone and ran to him. I first just whacked his back a few times while he sat in his seat, thinking he just needed a little pat on the back, but the panic in his eyes told me it was more serious than that. I ripped him out of his booster seat as fast as I could and flung him over my arm, half upside down. I felt like I was beating his back over and over again. At this point, Brigham is even more scared and has started to cry, Boston is looking at me terrified, and crying from the kitchen table, and I can hear my phone ringing on the floor. I was the most scared I have been in my life and I will never forget the look of fear he gave me. It was a 'Mommy please do something' look that will be etched in my mind forever.
After a few whacks on the back, I flung him upright again. I could tell he was still able to get some breaths because he wasn't turning blue, I could hear a gurgling in his throat. I was within seconds of feeling like I needed to call 911 when I decided to stick my finger in his throat. I felt the chunk of hot dog right away, and scooped it out of his throat. At this point I was bawling, squeezing Brigham and thanking God all at the same time. I was a mess. Brigham, Boston and I were all sitting at the kitchen table crying when Derek walked in a minute later.
I am still shook up about it. I second guessed my every move as I was trying to get Brigham to stop choking. I wondered if having him practically upside down was making it worse, or if when I put my finger in his throat, if I could have made it worse. I am still beating myself up that I didn't cut the hot dog pieces smaller than I did because I have always had a fear of this happening. It's a blessing that everything worked out the way it did. This whole scene took under a minute, but felt like an hour. The weight of worry and emotion weighed so heavy on my body that I just couldn't think straight for the longest time afterwards. I laid wide awake that night, replaying the entire episode and I thought of every horrible way it could have turned out. I was even thinking the worst while it was happening. Boston even commented the next day after school that he couldn't get it off his mind either. I've spent much more time snuggling and loving on my boys these past few days. So heartbreaking to think it takes a scare like that to make you realize the cleaning, laundry and errands can wait. Racing cars, building forts and just lounging has been much more important to me lately.
In an instant, the day went from one extreme to the next. It was a horribly scary reminder than even MY life could turn to tragedy at the snap of a finger. It's been a very emotional week for the Sioux Falls Christian family. 4 people, in a family of 5, were tragically killed in a car accident last Saturday evening. The Vollmers had gone about their normal daily routine, and just like that, God had taken them all home. One family member remains, and I can't even begin to imagine the grief and emptiness she is feeling. I sit home today with my boys and I can't help but look at the clock and think of the funeral that's going on for this family. School was dismissed early yesterday, and cancelled today, for the visitation and funeral taking place at Boston's school. My heart aches for the students who lost friends and classmates, and the teachers grieving themselves, yet having to be strong to comfort others. I didn't know the Vollmer family personally, but the Sioux Falls Christian student body and parents are a family, a close knit community, and it hurts me just the same that this young, precious family, was taken so suddenly.
In Christ alone, my hope is found. He is my light, my strength, my song.
Always.
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